FluffyDinosaur. Though I'm not qualified to know for sure, it does seem what you are experiencing is mighty like a depression with mixed features (aka mixed episode on the depressed side). They can be dangerous, and I absolutely know how painful they can be, with frustration, agitation, desperation, and more. Is there a way you can contact your psychiatrist? It is possible that a minor medication adjustment could help. Even therapy could be quite useful so that you may have help working healthier coping than taking drugs or alcohol.

Of course I don't know exactly what all triggered the feelings you are having, but I know we've all been under a great deal of stress because of this covid 19 pandemic. I imagine if there are other factors added to that, that an episode is very likely. Please do reach out to your healthcare team during this period.