Quote:
Originally Posted by medievalbushman
@ ARaven0137 Do you and your SO have assigned house chores for each other? My fiance and I have been working out what niches we each fit and what we share, and so far I'm the cook and outside chores guy, and she's the laundry gal, with us sharing dishes and general house cleaning. Part of the conflict between she and I has been my failures to fulfill my end of things (due to wasting time on my addictions), and my counter to that is that I do a lot she wouldn't have the first clue about doing (ie. firewood, hauling water, fixing anything that breaks, vehicle maintenance, household maintenance). There are times I feel like I do the bulk of the work around the house, and it's only a problem when I fail to do so because I'm the only one doing it.
I don't think that's a fair light to cast it in as there are things she does at home, and on a fairly consistent basis, but that's how I sometimes feel and I have a hard time seeing it from her side until we have a fight. Then, I feel shut down and silenced because all my failures get thrown in my face and I've nothing to defend myself with. No one is quite as capable as she is at making me feel inadequate and I find it a difficult feeling to move on from. It often makes me resentful.
ANYWAY! May I ask what kind of work he does? And what do you feel is your strong suit together? |
I'm the first one to admit that I forget the household work almost as much as I remember it so I do shoulder some of the blame in the conflict. In my opinion, he does have an oddity in how chores are divided up and addressed. He tends to like chaos as I think he feels more in control. By not having anything set, it gives him latitude to be critical. I do nearly everything he asks though. He's very exacting in what he expects, but also very vague in how he wants me to go about it. Again, latitude to be critical. He seems ever so happy when he is telling me I did it wrong.
One of our consistent dances is him telling me to do something, standing behind me, telling me I'm doing it wrong, me putting everything down and saying, here, you do it.
I really empathize with you saying you can feel inadequate. I occasionally snap back with sarcastic things like, "I fly a sixty million dollar aircraft, but you don't trust me to cut cucumbers..." My resentment has been peaking of late.
He's an attorney, which I think contributes to the contentiousness and argumentativeness.
