Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist
I am so sorry you are dealing with this difficult situation Rose. This type of depression can be incredibly daunting.
That said, I have totally been right where you are. More than once. I remember vividly one day in 2007 standing at the bottom of my steep stairwell, needing to get back up to my bed in order to sleep my life away and thinking, just utterly despondent: There is no way in hell I could ever make it up those steps.
Are you taking anything to specifically help with the energy-robbery/massive fatigue aspect of your depression? I have tried Ritalin, Adderall, and Provigil (modafinil). The Ritalin made me dysphoric--it was terrible. But the other two were basically miraculous for me. I have been on one or the other for 12 years now. I prefer the Provigil, personally.
I would strongly urge you to talk to your pdoc abou trying one of these medications. The quality of life improvement can really be just incredible. I hope you look into it.
Does your pdoc know how much you are currently struggling? Do you need an anitdepressant/moood stabilizer/ atypical antipsychotic med change of some sort, do you think?
Sending you strength and support! Don't give up! Just do what you can do. One hour at a time. Don't worry about big goals right now. Just do what you can. The dishes will get done when they get done. Try not to judge yourself--you are doing the best you can. But that said, I really do believe they would get done a lot sooner were you on Adderall or Provigil. That's just been my own experience as a patient with similar symptoms to yours.
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bpcyclist - thanks for this very supportive post. To hear someone say he's been in my shoes and describe specifically a similar challenge makes me feel so much less alone. I feel less of a human freak.
I take amitriptyline 50 mg every evening. I've been on this for decades. It helps a lot. I rebound much quicker than without it, which has been demonstrated over and over again. I have been prescribed many other drugs like lithium, antipsychotics, mood "stabilizers and anti-parkinson's agents that did nothing. I am interested in your experience with stimulants. I do have Ritalin. Lately I've not taken it regularly. It tends to make me want to sit and ruminate. Sitting is not what I need to do. It does give me a bit of a "lift," and I found taking 10 mg in the a.m., instead of 20 mg, is less likely to set off that amped up thinking that is just a bunch of mentally going around in circles. I will start taking at least that small does daily. Ritalin is the only stimulant I've taken. I am interested in your experience of finding Provigil preferable to Ritalin. I will ask about it next time I see my pdoc.
My pdoc only follows me very loosely. I see him very infrequently. He's elderly and seems kind of disengaged from his practice. Last time I saw him, I asked him to order a thyroid blood test for me, which I was overdue for. He said doing that was inconvenient for him, but he did it. I thought: "How lazy can you be?" I think it took him all of under 2 minutes. I'm on Levothyroxin. Pdocs should care about my thyroid function and my getting appropriate thyroid supplement. I keep my visits to him short and sweet . . . just going in to get the script for the Ritalin. I don't bend his ear about anything, as he's never struck me as interested. He knows next to nothing about me. My 15 minute visit costs several hundred dollars. "Med-management" visits are quite a racket for these guys, IMO. But I'll see if I can get him to try me on an alternative stimulant. It intrigues me that you find this category of drug so supportive.