Oh boy, yeah, I'm seeing some parallels here, but unexpectedly. Something I have a tendency to do, and I have to actively suppress at times, is telling my fiance how to do simple things (like doing the dishes). I'm an admitted perfectionist, which has been a massive contributor to my procrastination problem (if I can't do it "right", I don't want to do it at all). I will develop ways of doing things that make the most sense and are the most efficient to me, so when I see someone do something different to my way, it can "trigger" me, lol. I've had to step back and apologize to my fiance for telling her how to do dishes, because when I watch her do it, it looks like a chaotic mess to me. She just does them in a random order and puts them all in a pile in the sink and dish rack to drip dry, while I have a spot for every thing and a way to put them so that they dry the best and I make the best use of space on our small counter. This situation is similar for a lot of chores we do together, and there are times I've straight up told her I'd rather do something by myself because how she does it "offends" me so much, lol. It's bad, and I'm trying not to be that way, but gaaaaaaawwwwd I can be so sensitive to stuff like this.

I think the difference between he and I here is the way you describe it... it's almost like he goes out of his way to make it so he can be critical of you when you try to help. Forgive me if that's not accurate, but that's the sense I'm getting, and I can easily see how that would brew much resentment. Combine that with his job... in that job, from what I've seen, half of it is trying to create traps for your opposition to walk into, and I get the feeling he's almost doing this unconsciously with you. It's like he needs a shift in perspective, like he's seeing you as the "opposition" rather than his client on whose behalf he needs to be watching for those traps.