Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
Regardless of if he would have a diagnosis, he’s acting like he’s been given mixed messages and he’s frustrated.
Looking back, I’ve had to end a couple relationships that denigrated to this kind of drama.
You need to ask yourself if you want anything at all from him. You are saying you want to have a friendship. You are telling him you need a break. That implies you will be back. You are toying with him. He wants you to be his wife. You say you only like him as a friend, and always that was all you felt. You have encouraged him just enough to really mess with his mind. Perhaps you are confused about your own feelings, too.
Those texts he sent are emotionally exhausting. I couldn’t deal with that, if it were me. Do you want a relationship like that? Remember, he does not want to be just your friend and that is what you want. It is not a meeting of the minds. That’s why this is so out of control.
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I appreciate the honest feedback. If I have one thing going for me, it's that I'm introspective.
Thinking through it, I didn't mean it like that, but yes, I can see what you're saying. I do have great difficulty with people who are so overwhelming that subtle hints don't work. I really hate interpersonal conflict and I often try to "polite" my way through it for far too long. I tend to be fairly open about my personal life and that was probably seen as an invitation. I can see how we both triggered ingrained responses to things.
He went from zero to sixty overnight after knowing him for six months and I know that I have a pattern of subtle hints, more directness and then passive-aggression when I'm not being heard. In friendly settings, I'm very polite, kind and try to be well mannered. It's that southern belle upbringing that I had.
Looking back, I can see how the subtle hints were not the path I needed to take then. It was a pattern that worked for me in the dating world where guys were fishing too and didn't want to waste time on someone not interested. For this guy, by the time I got to "no" which was several months after he said we were going to be together, it was probably too late.
I told him directly that I was probably the worst possible woman for him to want to be with since I have those behaviors which trigger him. After directness didn't work and before I knew what he was wrestling with I went all passive-aggressive, trying to drive him off, intentionally doing everything I knew he hated, like working out with or having lunch with male friends and then telling him all about it. For me, that normally got guys to go away and look elsewhere. The more he would rage and sob, the more I would do that. I kept hoping for the, you know what Alice, you don't deserve me, bye.
On the other hand, his bull in the china shop approach to me was certainly triggering. Nothing in my purse of coping mechanisms worked and he bulled through every strategy I had.
But again, thank you for the honest feedback. I do think back on what happened a lot and how I could have approached it better. I think the friendship is likely unsalvageable and I've just been reading his texts and listening to the voice mails but not responding.