Do you love your wife? Do you WANT to be married to her?

Why?

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If it takes you more than 5 minutes to come up with an answer to "Why" that doesn't include "for the kids"....then I think that's your answer.

Counseling could help - if you WANT to save the marriage. But it sounds to me like you really just want to leave her and move in with the girlfriend. Is that right?

As far as no one getting hurt - well, sorry, but no matter what you do someone will get hurt. Your kids and your wife if you divorce, and your girlfriend and likely yourself if you stay like this.

Either way, be honest with your wife. Don't drop a bombshell on her and just leave one day. Tell her what's going on.

I also agree that it's more than just "laziness" going on. But...believe what you want to. We can't see the whole picture.