Hello rose76, I was very happy to read your response! That must be hard how you were expressing as if you somehow felt like a someone who crawled out from a big, hot, windy desert relieved and drank a big cup of chilled, clean, refreshing, and clear water! My heart really felt compassion for you because I realized that my own depression truly was the main reason which started all of my mental illnesses from the beginning. This must be hard to talk about. Thanks for opening up to me. Let me share my story with you. I was born in the middle seventies to young immigrant parents (with a disability I rather not mention) and it curbed my life out mainly. I was a victim of witnessed trauma event between my parents. Afterwards I was sent out to foster homes at tender age of three years old. Eventually I was adopted to new parents (both have same disability as mine) I began to battle my "dark behaviors" that were performed without my true awareness from age 3 years to 23 years old. My parents (adopted) never took me to a mental health counselor because they did not believe in doctors. Eventually I was sent to mental professional help by my spouse (or husband). It took 15 years for doctors to figure out to diagnose me. I finally (after trial and error) settled to the correct SSRI. Now, I rely on my medicine to help myself survive ever since. My adopted parents have both passed. I still love them very much. It won't be another 6 years when I realized it was depression after all that have shadowed over me since I was 3 years old. It means that I would have to identify my own traits that are automatic depression related. It means I will have to transform myself to a new set of traits that are positive, kind and compassion. There! Pretty much of my life story here. Actually only small percentage (of my life story) shared here. I want you to know that from my own first instant impression/inner sense about you that you seem to be of a courageous, determined and motivated person yourself, you just didn't realize this yourself yet. You DO matter! You are a warrior! Warm wishes, SaraC