Have you ever reread any of your old posts that you did while in a *different* state? I have and it amazes me that it was *really* me that wrote them back them. And I'm not necessarily referring to posts from several months ago, I'm moreso referring to even as recent as yesterday. I'm referring to when I post while in the abyss (The Monster), extreme anxiety (I can't take this anxiety anymore), hypomanic or anything in between. When I take an introspective look at them, it seems that it was an entirely different person who was in that state and wrote those words. What a difference a mood can make! I know they are my words *usually* but it amazes me to the intensity that my moods can take on, which at the time were very real and seemed perfectly *normal*. Sometimes, I feel like it is a totally different person who has taken over my mind when I posted them. Although I am nowhere near as bad as I was before I was on a mood stabilizer *lol*, the depths of my depression can often times scare the hell out of me when I'm no longer deep in the abyss. It's such a huge transformation from one state to the next, that I bearly recognize myself anymore.

And then there are times that I apparently have said things completely out of character for me to someone that I have absolutely no recollection of at all. Unfortunately, most of those things have transpired in PM so that I don't have the ability to go back and reread my words. But I don't doubt the person when they tell me but yet it just doesn't seem like something that *I* would ever say and can't imagine where those thoughts would even come from. Maybe this all ties in with my other thread about how well we really know ourselves?

Just wondered if I'm the only *crazy* one here who doesn't even recognize themselves and have real trouble imagining yourself being a completely different person at times, someone unrecognizable and sometimes unfathomable. I don't recall reading anybody else's posts that seem to be so out of character as mine are but then again, I haven't been to many of the boards here either. Please somebody tell me that I'm not the only *crazy* one here who can't even recognize themselves at times. Just an introspective view of my many moods.

It makes me question what my pdoc and T would think if they read my posts and wonder if they would even recognize me either.