That is very good advice, and as you said, hard.

I think that is where this will go, but i cannot go there yet. I am much too furious and don't trust myself. I have told my wife, who is visiting them now, that I will talk with them in the presence of a therapist. That is for the "safety" of all. It would help me to keep my head cool. (I am not normally a hot head. This is way out of character for me.) I think it would also serve to help my son and his wife reflect on what they have done, too, and begin not to blame me for their mistakes.

You are so right about the baby. And so, if my presence is going to fuel conflict, I think it is best I sacrifice my needs for the sake of the baby. This breaks my heart. The 10 minutes I held him were profound beyond all expectation and greater by magnitudes than the first time even that I held my own children. Having this joy wrenched from me was horrible. I am feeling wounded now and not able to deal with that happening again just yet.

Do you think I should settle for taking on the "guilt" of the "crime?" It is timely that just a few days ago I watched the movie Capturing the Friedmans. It was about a family destroyed by being railroaded into confessions of guilt to nasty crimes that they most likely did not commit. Similarly, there was an acknowledged mis-deed (much worse than mine), but the crime they confessed to was not clearly true. They confessed in the hope that they could releive their family of the burdons of fighting. That decision was a miserable failure.

Wait. You said only admit to what I did do, not the whole thing. Yes. I can do that. In fact, I did do that. Repeatedly. And my son refused it to be good enough. He wanted me to assume the whole blame for everything, or nothing. I don't see how I can go forward with that.

Again, the baby should be at the top of my concern. Maybe what is best for the baby is freedom from the crime I will come to represent in his parents eyes. I don't know. I don't know. I am getting again quite confused. I need some help. I am very very sad.