The Fibromyalgia only seems to be worsening. The Ritalin my pdoc prescribed doesn’t work all the time for some reason so it’s a bit hit and miss. When it works I can get some study done but due to extreme exhaustion I can’t exercise. Even the basic hip exercises I do each day wear me out. So I rest, watch non news related TV/internet, talk and think positively, and meditate a lot.

Due to my cognitive issues I made a stupid mistake on my first assignment and barely passed. I can’t believe I used a non academic source on an assignment that requires them. I was expecting a HD. I’ve dropped out of my journalism unit for my sanity (can’t immerse myself in news right now), and to ease my load. This is disappointing. I will stick with one unit to hold onto my degree. Hopefully by next semester my health will be better.

The PTSD has been popping up. I think the pandemic is making me feel out of control thus unsafe. I see my T today and will talk about that. I am also in despair over my health. I just woke from a dream that told me not to harm myself as I will cause so much pain to others. Weird as I hadn’t had SI for a few days. As much as I am desperate for relief I refuse to give up on life. Living alone and socially distancing myself gives me space to rest.

I am seeing my parents today. They often take my sisters kids to school, or babysit so I am less likely than them to infect my parents. Luckily my parents (70 years old) are relatively healthy. My sister is a head science teacher at a private high school so she is run off her feet as the school plans for online learning. Schools will close soon but I don’t know how my sister is going to look after and help educate her four children while she works from home. Her youngest is four. Her husband has autism so is great with some things but finds looking after all his children at the same time overwhelming. The business he works for shut down so they have that financial blow too. I’m worried for her.

I’m worried for so many people. People like all of you. Those with mental health issues are particularly vulnerable now. Even though I don’t post much you are all often in my thoughts, and meditations. Thanks for those on here who are responding to posts with support and encouragement. If I can get my brain to work I will try to be more active. For me, and to do what little I can.