Personally I think this is the greatest cause of depression. That is, when we can't accept the way people are and wish they were different. It causes a lot of unhappiness for us. We ALL do it. (I did it just last night and it ruined my whole evening.) Maybe it becomes a habit to ruminate on the unacceptable behavior of the other.

But we have freedom. We can chose to be honest and tell the person what we really think. This is what I wish I had done in the past. I sometimes revisit situations and rewrite them in my mind. It is refreshing to think of what I might have said.

We can turn away, walk away, and maybe grieve for what we cannot have. Yes, grieve. I have a brother who I wish I was closer to...and it is never going to happen. I make excuses for him - and his crappy behavior. But, in truth, he is selfish, self-centered, lacking in empathy and compassion, and is horribly patronizing. He doesn't seem to know any of this bad stuff about himself. His wife is much worse. I think in 40 years of marriage he has picked up her bad personality traits. They married very young...as teenagers...so they have had a lifetime to perfect their crappy personalities and melt into their bad social habits as a couple.

I grieve over the loss of relationships I wish were different. Yes. But not as much as I used to...I have become more pragmatic as I age.

AT THE SAME TIME I feel more grateful for the relationships that work. I have another brother who seems to grow more saintly with the years. He is sensitive, generous, caring, and intelligent. He almost always says the right thing. When he makes a mistake he apologizes. The older he gets the softer and more beautiful he is. So there!

My adult child is another "deary" -- you know, a dear one. He grows more loving and open-hearted with every year. I love to watch his spiritual progress. He wouldn't call it that...but it is spiritual growth, in my eyes.


Some people take the low road...others hike the high road.


We need to focus on the dearies. The dear ones who bring a smile to our soul.

I spent too much of my life around the grouches. Now I am done!


Life is hard. That's why we have to be soft, softer, softest.

Dear Azul...don't let the grouches get you down. Focus on the dearies.

Take care, deep blue.