I am sorry DechanDawa, given what you have shared, my older sister would be extremely triggering to you. She has a horrible affect on people, it's so embarassing.
My sister has done so many bad things the last years of my parent's lives. I have had a lot of different kinds of grieving I have been going through. You are probably grieving a very different kind of loss when it comes to your older sister. Something you wanted to experience that simply never happened and never will.
Try to remember, YOU are a nice person, she chose to be manipulative and mean. That was her choice and it was probably the best that you were at a distance from her.
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AT THE SAME TIME I feel more grateful for the relationships that work. I have another brother who seems to grow more saintly with the years. He is sensitive, generous, caring, and intelligent. He almost always says the right thing. When he makes a mistake he apologizes. The older he gets the softer and more beautiful he is. So there!
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That is how my older brother has been too.