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sarahsweets · Mar 25, 2020, 03:24 AM

I think it would help if you were able to define for yourself what forgiveness means to you.

Quote:

for·give
/fərˈɡiv/
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verb
verb: forgive; 3rd person present: forgives; past tense: forgave; gerund or present participle: forgiving; past participle: forgiven
stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
"I don't think I'll ever forgive David for the way he treated her"
Similar:
pardon
excuse
exonerate
absolve
acquit
let off
grant an amnesty to
amnesty
make allowances for
stop feeling resentful toward
feel no resentment toward
stop feeling malice toward
feel no malice toward
harbor no grudge against
bury the hatchet with
let bygones be bygones
let someone off the hook
go easy on
exculpate
Opposite:
blame
convict
resent
stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake).
"he was not a man who found it easy to forgive and forget"
cancel (a debt).
"he proposed that their debts should be forgiven"
used in polite expressions as a request to excuse or regard indulgently one's foibles, ignorance, or impoliteness.
"you will have to forgive my suspicious mind"

Many people think forgiveness means absolving someone for their bad behavior or for hurting you. Some people think its so that the offender can move on and feel better about themselves after hurting someone. I firmly believe forgiveness is for the forgiver. In fact I think it has little to do with the offender. There are some things that people have done that many would say can never be forgiven. I think it has to do with how much you want to hang on to the hurt. How much you want to suffer. Some of us "need" that suffering for whatever reason. Some of us are not ready to be done hurting or have more work to do in therapy and are not ready for forgiveness. Some people think that in order to forgive you must tell the offender that they are forgiven. I disagree with all of that. I think forgiveness to me means not allowing myself to be consumed with the bad feelings surrounding the event or offender. To me its about taking back control and deciding that what happened was not my fault and for my own peace I will forgive someone. I learned a lot of this through AA. I have forgiven many people and abusers. Some of them have no idea that they have been forgiven by me because its not about them. Its not for them to feel better. Its so I can go on living a productive positive life and not be controlled by the bitterness, anger or shame of what I lived through with someone.