Hello everyone,
last summer my ex-boyfriend committed suicide and unfortunately, he passed away, I was thinking about joining him so my friends made me see a tharapist.
I developed feelings for him almost immediately (I gs I was in a vulnerable state), I thought it's just a crush, and it will pass but it didn't, actually, it just got worse, and I'm SO scared to talk to him.
I was diagnosed with BPD (not sure if it has anything to do with it) but I'm scared that If I talk about my feelings, he will leave me, or he will ask questions about it (stupid questions that he always ask me like "why do you think you feel that way?") that I don't want to answer or don't even know how to answer.
I'm really lonely, fragile and broken right now, I can't take rejection because these sessions bring me joy, I feel better when I talk to him. but when I come home, I'm constantly thinking about him, and I can't tell him that, and the whole situation is just frustrating, I just can't describe how terrified I am when it comes to talking about my feelings. should I stop seeing my therapist?

p.s: English is not my first language so excuse me if there are any mistakes in my writing.