Well, I stayed up until 1am doing work... It was a good distraction, so I was okay with it. However, now I am back to feeling miserable. I don't know if it's because I got 5 hours of sleep or what, but I feel pretty bad and obviously the depression is still there...

I'm trying to stay positive, but it's really hard, especially today when I feel so low.

Obviously my med increase isn't working (yet...?), but I have to give it a fair chance, so I am. It's just hard to cope for the time being...

I'm trying to remind myself that my impulses are just impulses and that this will eventually go away. I'm also trying to remind myself that people do care about me and wouldn't want to see me get hurt. But I was doing "research" the other day and it was only fueling my desire to just... you know. However, I was able to talk to other people and I resisted.

I want to call my therapist, but I don't want to scare her. I am hanging on by a thread and I do NOT want to get committed, at least not with COVID-19 plaguing the hospitals right now. Someone did die from COVID-19 in a local hospital not too far from where I am, so the hospital is probably infected by now.