Here goes nothing

Im 27 with a career living alone

I have a history of being bullied in high school.

Last year i had a traumatic loss in relationship. My GF of 7 years cheat on me with other boyfriend. I got a video and photo of her with other man that she herself send it to me just few months before our wedding and run off with her choice

Then i get up and coupled up with a great girl. I told her everything.even bout my past. Then my ex comeback and said things to my new GF making her hard to believe in me again. And now my relationship has flew into the gutter. 9 months of memory. I cant live without her. Im still fighting. Bit all the more i chase her.all the more she is leaving me. I felt so bad placing her in my life with my paat. She is just everything i ever wanted. Now she doesnt break it up. She keep saying im the one who leaving. Its been 2 month. I have done everything. But she blame me for this. And what she done is right. I am to blame for this.

I still have a parent and a brother and a sister. But lately. People keep saying im weak. People keep saying im just crazy. People keep saying im not the one they hire. My family complaint on my smiles that was not like before. I try to talk to my ma n dad. But it will just make me terrible bout myself. People just say leave her. Saying i am stringer than this.

Well. Im not. And the voice in my head is getting louder. Im just tired. Maybe they will all better off without me. Im so tired. I have tried 3 different way of dying. I failed in death as i failed in life as i failed everyone else. The workload in office doesnt help at all. I just dont have anyone to talk to. I cant shake my head of taking my life off and about her. Wishing one last text to arrive. But no. My overthinking head also doesnt help.. all i think now she is with another man and finding an excuse to gi. Im just so so tired..all my life.

All my life. I try to be the best child.the best student. The best worker. But all what life takes me is just to the opposite direction..