Video session with Dr. T at 1:30. I feel I crossed over into some other level of panic/anxiety about the virus today. Like it had been "How can we deal with D?" and "It sucks we can't go out to eat anymore" and also, recently, "I hope D isn't allergic to the new guinea pigs." But while awake in the middle of the night last night, my mind started spiraling into other directions
Possible trigger:
Like, what if T dies? (he's relatively young and healthy, but people like that are ending up on ventilators...) What if my parents get it, and I can't visit them in the hospital? That I'd never get to say goodbye? What if I get it, and no one can visit me due to restrictions, and I die alone? I think the Dr. T fears are sort of covering for those feelings, like it's easier to deal with fears about Dr. T than about my parents, myself, H, or, even worse, D.
And it hasn't abated since I've been awake (after getting a little bit more sleep). An attempt to talk about it with H sort of led him to look at me like I was going crazy. I also pressured him into canceling his physical therapy appointment tomorrow, because they meet in a big room of people, and even though they're taking sanitation precautions, it can still supposedly live in the air for 3 hours. And his injury seems almost healed--I told him it would be different if it had just happened, but it was months ago, and he's mostly getting around just fine--I mean, he's not gonna run a marathon tomorrow, but those are all canceled anyway. I felt like the bad guy asking him to cancel, but it doesn't seem worth the risk to me.