One of the things that "so called difficult people" do is take a tact of emotionally abusing and manipulating. They will even do it covertly where they find ways to hurt and emotionally abuse hoping you will see it. That is especially something often practiced on a site like this. The "drama queen/king" will NEED to blame others and target others either covertly or overtly even when it's actually themselves that are the problem. The other covert way they use is to emotionally abuse and manipulate in private too, then they will talk about how no one will believe you because everyone likes them. They also tend to NEED some kind of power or sense of having the control or upper hand. Actually, these individuals tend to use the trauma triangle that is talked about in a link I posted in the ptsd forum. They often don't even realize they are actually "addicted" to enacting the trauma triangle. (I will post it after I post this) . (often both BPD and NPD individuals enact this trauma triangle too).
When I shared about what I experienced with this trainer and what he said to my child? He was pulling my child into HIS way of engaging the "emotional trauma triangle", he was/is a narcissist. He was practicing emotional abusive control over her. When we chose to say "NO" and took that power away from him, his answer was to intimidate my child, even in front of others and engage in a smear campaign. He lied and tried to convince anyone he could that HE was the victim. His answer was to blame ME for being the difficult person. And the TRUTH about that is I PROVED DIFFICULT FOR HIM TO CONTROL. These individuals don't play by the rules, they only play by THEIR rules. They don't respect someone like Doc John for example, but they will choose to use the rules when it SUITS THEM.
((DechanDawa)), that is what your sister did, that is what you grieve too and that is what my sister does and is STILL doing. In fact, my sister is SO BAD that anyone who engages with her actually gets triggered. Every individual that engages her ends up saying "Wow, what a terrible witch". My older brother said, "once everything is finished she literally won't know what to do with herself because she NEEDS something to enact her addiction to create drama", which is basically enacting the trauma triangle she gets all her energy from and is so addicted to.
(((Dechan))), when you ruminate about your sister and what you wish you could say? Your brain is trying to figure out how you can somehow right a wrong. The truth is that you are powerless to right her wrongs. Your sister acted out her addiction to her trauma triangle right to her very last breath. You WANTED to love her and have a sense of peace with her, but she REFUSED to allow it. This doesn't mean YOU failed or are at fault or even that it was your job to TRY to fix her. She proved to you right to her end she would not listen or care but instead her trauma triangle was her choice in her life. It was how she chose to navigate in her life and the truth is, that is what many do choose. Your sister was never going to recognize you in any "normal" way, she needed the world to revolve around her, even if she has to engage in "emotional abuse and manipulations" to do so. That is what that trainer was trying to do with MY CHILD. What really was hard for me to see is how other children were also struggling with his behaviors, and they were too afraid to even tell their own parents. These children believed that if they told their parents it would mean they would lose being able to ride which they all loved doing. Unfortunately, I noticed how the parents bought into being controlled too. It was upsetting to witness that, and a couple parents quietly said to me "Wow, you were brave, I can't do that".
You can be a NICE person and out of being nice may run into an individual that lives by the trauma triangle. Often you may not see it right away either, after all, you want to be kind and helpful and agreeable. These rules do not apply to individuals that follow the trauma triangle way of navigating like your sister and my own sister chose/choses to live by. Often these individuals tend to "fill" spaces with themselves. And they typically put forth some kind of trauma/drama that they KNOW will attract others or they step in and take over too.
Azul, when you get triggered, the important thing to do is figure out how the trigger affects you personally. You don't have to own another person's bad behaviors. That is what I did in response to that trainer, and what was difficult about that was how others chose to allow him to own not only them, but their children too. It's unfortunate, but there will be times when you will witness that happen. This tends to happen a lot in humanity. It sure keeps therapists busy too. And if you sit and talk to therapists they will say how certain individuals do not respond to therapy because they simply cannot let go of how they are addicted to the way they use the trauma triangle. For the most part, human beings are emotional beings so they are more susceptible to experiencing this problem then they realize.
Here is the article I talked about that describes the trauma triangle
The 'Trauma Triangle' Explains 3 Classic Roles Trauma Survivors Fall Into