(((Azul)) you know what? I can totally relate to what you are saying. I also get upset when I see others being hurt. I would have to say that is a huge part of my ptsd challenge too. That is why I shared the story about that trainer and what he said to my daughter. Yet, not just her but the other students he was teaching at his barn. It was a situation that I had to pay attention to, it would define a great deal to my daughter about how to handle anyone who chose to threaten her that way. It was a VERY challenging situation because I could not do that for the other children. YET, the only thing I could do is set and example for those other children in showing them how to walk away from a person that is controlling like that.

When it comes to a toxic controlling person like that, they WILL look for ways to hurt you both covertly and oververtly. He made it a point to tell other trainers that I left him because he refused to have sex with me. He wanted to figure out a way to say something about me that was bad and put himself in the victim role so these other trainers would not take on my daughter as a student or me as a customer. He wanted others to think that I was the difficult person and the problem, and that HE was innocent and tried to work with my daughter. Ugh, he was short and fat and gross, nothing I would even remotely be attracted to and I would never choose to go after a married man or choose to cheat on my husband either. And what is very challenging about that is there is always going to be individuals that WILL BELIEVE him too. There are always individuals that will choose to believe a toxic person when they engage in their smear campaign.

When I met this man and decided to have him train my daughter he seemed VERY NICE and attentive. He seemed knowledgable and capable. I had no reason to think he was toxic UNTIL he showed me that side of him. He used that trauma triangle to control and deceive, not just adults but also children which is the worst sin IMHO. And the truth is that all he cared about was standing out, being some kind of big and best and he did not care who he used to attain that goal of his. He was a male version of a "drama queen".

It could be that is how your father behaved, and your mother ended up allowing him to have that kind of control. And what you witnessed as a child created your own trauma triangle where you want to see healthier interactions take place.

Sometimes a child will grow up experiencing a father that has no emotional control. And a mother that somehow puts up with it. They may even have a better relationship with the mother, yet the mother can be at times demanding in her own way. This dynamic can lead to that child being drawn to drama unknowingly and address it with a more methodical answer, "do X,Y,Z. And they are not all that good at handling the emotional but instead "do X,Y,Z". This kind of individual will go to other challenges but hate to present their own. Typically, the reason that happens is because they never really developed any comfort when needing themselves. Their relationship style is very different and they find it much too hard to dwell in any victim role. They will often tout how certain toxic people are no big deal to them. And part of that comes from what they witnessed and had to learn to deal with in their own relationship with their parents. And possibly being in different environments too. This can come from someone who's father was in the service and they grew up moving from one location to another "army brats" are what they call these children. Often there is a different kind of knowledge and adjustment skills in this kind of individual simply because they grew up in a more nomadic lifestyle.

So, part of thinking about this trauma triangle that's helpful is how different individuals use it based on their personal history. This tends to lead to different ways of interacting socially that is always going to be present when dealing with a lot of different individuals interacting with each other ESPECIALLY on a site like this one.

What I TRY to do myself when I get triggered and I do and have gotten triggered, is discover what the triggers mean to me personally and work on whatever it happens to be that I too engage my own trauma triangle reacting to often "unknowingly". When I joined PC it certainly was not at a time in my life where I was in any way at my best. Quite honestly, I was genuinely struggling so badly with ptsd and VERY confused by how it was challenging me and often crippling me.

I am learning that in my own trauma triangle, I witnessed a lot of abuse as a child and I felt like I had no voice or any way to stop it. I could not understand how anyone could feel good about hurting someone else. What I tended to do is observe the abuser/controller and see how their behaviors hurt others and I constantly think to myself how I would NEVER be that kind of person that would hurt someone else like that. I hated it then, and I hate it now. However, the one thing I did want to learn is the "why" behind these mean behaviors I witnessed. That is why this trauma triangle is help to me, because it's something that different individuals actually engage in ways they learn to navigate to self protect. Yet, also as a means to control too, control in some VERY unhealthy ways.