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Originally Posted by bpcyclist
Way too much wisdom and insight above to possibly comment on all of it. Thank you so much to all of you for contributing to this thread and for helping me so very much.
I think I realized reading and reflecting on what all of you shared that this really is pretty much all about me. I have a few things from my past that I keep reliving again and again. When I do this, I become hurt and angry again and it is like it is happeneing all over right now, today. Then, I go through this whole song and dance where I feel I must tell these people that what they did to me was wrong and immoral. And damaging. I don't have a desire to exact revenge, that's not what it is. But I do have a strong need, when I am reliving all this, to inform people that I know what they did and that it hurt and that it was immoral and wrong. And I have never done that, in any of these situations. I just slunked off to my corner. I think a big part of my discomfort comes from the idea that I "let them get away with it" and did nto stand up for myself.
So, yeah, the idea of forgiving these people when they will never acknowledge what they did, much less apologize or be held accountable, is, I think, causing me pain. Don't really know how to do that.
But, as my incredibly wise father has said to me at least 20 katrillion times from, like, the age of three onward, "Nobody ever said life was fair, cyclist."
Truer words were never spoken. Maybe that's where I should be looking. Acceptance. Other people are going to do what they are going to do. They will be exactly and perfectly who they are, good, bad, or indifferent. I don't have to "attach", as the Buddhists like to say, to any of that. I can just observe it and be amused at the wackiness of this life.
I do find the term "amnesty" appealing, for some reason. Maybe I should just officially pardon all these people and move on...
Thanks again, all of you!!!
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Good stuff
You're thinking on it and moving in a forward direction. That can create momentum and lead to change.
I've contemplated something I picked up in my esoteric studies when it comes to forgiveness. Some say that at the soul to soul level we are already perfected, but we are seeking expansion along certain lines for various reasons. Through psychic or other means some have acquired a belief structure that says we basically enter into soul contracts to teach each other things and help each other evolve. What on this level feels like a violation and lack of awareness is actually perhaps an evolved soul assisting us in learning something we wanted to know better on a 3D level.
So maybe we need to learn how to stand up for ourselves and a loved one agrees to take advantage of us over and over. They need to learn how not to take from others so we agree to show them what happens when they abuse.
I have no proof things actually work that way, but it is a common theme I've come across. Thinking along those lines has helped me let go of the need to show someone else their lesson and focus more on mine because it is entirely possible they are more of an expert in the subject than I am and have simply elected to incarnate and forget what they know quite well on a higher level as a loving sacrifice for my growth. Some say this is how soul families interact with each other.
My mom and I discussed this theory the other day. I offered it as an explanation as one of the ways I was able to find forgiveness for her. She thought it was interesting and said she could see it being true in our family. She talked about how she could see patterns from her own childhood playing out in expanded form in our family. She gave examples of how the same patterns are going on now with her grandchildren and my siblings and how she's able to play a new role as a grandmother because she has the perspective she picked up from her roles as a child, sibling, and parent.
Your dad is wise. I would offer though that fair doesn't mean equal. Value depends entirely upon the perspective you choose to adopt and what you're willing to take from each experience.