Another factor was the period when my illness became so mentally overwhelming for me that it dominated my life, excessively. Yes, being in and out of the hospitals and IOPs and in therapy all of the time was part of it (just plain being extremely sick), but it went beyond that. Many people with bipolar disorder, especially when first diagnosed, begin to think the illness is their life. That they ARE bipolar, as opposed to HAVE bipolar disorder. I was guilty of that for a handful of years, and it's understandable. It was an obsession, of sorts. I had seemingly lost key aspects of my old self. I had forgotten who I really was...beyond bipolar disorder. I had convinced myself that bipolar disorder was all I ever was, which wasn't true.