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Originally Posted by whatever2013
@ FluffyDinosaur: We have a lot in common! I also feel affection and fondness and love of all of humanity when i'm manic! People also say things like, "You're blossoming!" As if i am finally becoming The Real Me when as you said, the opposite is true. I also find that doctors tend to dismiss my manic behavior because it is not unusual for a healthy person to do those things. For example, i went away for a weekend to a Scrabble tournament and stayed in a nice hotel and another time i went to a pro-football game. See? Those are not really unusual behaviors for a healthy person but it was totally uncharacteristic for me as i am usually a real Debbie Downer and couch potato and recluse. I can see that it's not an issue of being destructive because i agree that those are benign activities, it's just that anyone who knows me over time would be astonished that i did them. |
Thank you, it's good to hear I'm not the only one! I'm also usually a recluse, maybe not an outright misanthrope but I have schizoid personality disorder, so this kind of "love" and social behavior is really uncommon for me. When I was first diagnosed with bipolar I sometimes got a little frustrated that sources like the DSM assume very obvious extroverted behavior and (in my opinion) tend to overlook more subtle signs. Luckily my Pdoc was able to look past that.
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Originally Posted by whatever2013
I get beautiful euphoric manias which people pay good money to experience what i get for free! It's just that i exhaust myself and crash into something negative, anxiety, frustration, rage. Last Fall it was even into a fear psychosis and that was so all sorts of awful for the first time i didn't even think the mania was worth it. I was on a Seroquel taper then tho and am back up to full-strength now so hopefully the fear psychosis won't happen again. I've had a religious psychosis three times now and that is bliss, my heart just expands and i feel joy, glory. So psychosis is not necessarily bad but can be torture and i have a healthy dread of it now.
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I do hope you won't have to go through that again, although I must admit that I really like my euphoric hypomania too. Symptom-wise it has a lot of overlap with drugs like cocaine, so I guess it's no wonder that it's addictive.
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Originally Posted by whatever2013
I get the pressured spending too. Last Fall i ordered some furniture, a fancy upholstered chair and ottoman that had white fabric with black script on it just because i liked it and had seen a similar one on TV on "Revenge" that they referred to as their "Queen Chair." I didn't let the thought that i have no where to put such a large piece in my tiny 450 square foot apartment-condo deter me. Anyways, by the time the furniture arrived (several other pieces as well) i had settled down a bit and i sent it all back and it was a terrible ordeal with getting the return courier pages printed and hauling all the stuff to the drop-point. I wish i didn't get such a charge out of buying things because it's just rampant conditioning due to capitalism and i have a mass communications degree and should know better but there you go.
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Yeah, the fallout can be a pain to deal with.
I've been known to do things like sign up for lessons in several different instruments at the same time, thinking I'll easily become a pro. It's painful and embarrassing to then have to go and cancel on everyone because you have neither the time nor the energy. I've also had to roll back big purchases.