* that i feel i can connect emotionally with him, or that it is possible some of the time...
* i actually want to see him and talk to him, again, most of the time
*i want him to like me, i want him to respect me and yeah, i want his approval
* i don't want to consider him being removed from my life, especially not suddenly
* i actually want to get closer, which is tres unusual for me
* i like to bring him little things because it tickles me to see him smile... and for me, that last point is kind of big... i dont think he even understands how big of a risk it feels like to me.

i dont think it means the same thing to anyone really. Right now i am dependent on him in ways i wish i were not, in ways i am glad i am and in ways which may not even be healthy. Getting close has meant the wake from his movements rock my own boat, you know?