Hello Bobby: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central

I'm sorry you have been having such a difficult time & are feeling so down about yourself. (By the way, I was a victim of both verbal & physical abuse in high school as well.) It appears you submitted this post a couple of days ago now. I hope you're okay. You mentioned you've made 3 different attempts on your life in the past. I've had my own experiences with this too.

Here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

When You Feel Absolutely Awful About Yourself—Regularly

Breaking Free from the Bonds of Badness

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...hing-yourself/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-step...yourself-more/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.