Happy birthday moose!

We went to the grocery store yesterday bc we were out of bread and milk (and snacks - I’m def gonna gain like 20 lbs lol). I kept my hand in my pockets the whole time. I grabbed a disinfectant wipe that they were offering and wiped down the car door handles and steering wheel. Then we all washed our hands as soon as we got home. Best we can do I guess.

I’m vacillating between apathetic and anxious over this whole covid situation. I’ve had a lot of anxious dreams about it. I just don’t want to die and leave my son without a parent. I have to decide who I want to take care of him if I did die. I know RS would, but I think it’s unfair on him because we’ve only been dating for a year and four months, not even engaged yet. That’s too much responsibility for him. The ONLY other option I would be comfortable with is my brother and his wife. I have to talk to them about it. I was planning on doing it in person but obviously that can’t happen. So I might do it over FaceTime.

My cousin texted the family group chat and told us that my grandmother from my dad’s side is not doing well. She’s suffering heart failure, kidney failure, and lung bleeding. Not sure how much time she has left, but probably not much. I mean, I was never close with her so I’m not gonna be super broken up about it, plus she’s 97 years old. She’s lived a very long life. I just keep thinking though, what a terrible time to die, you can’t even have a proper funeral since in my state there are absolutely no gatherings at all allowed. It’s terrible for anyone who has a death, including covid patients.

I’m getting worried about my own health. My heart rate hasn’t gotten out of control since my trip to the ER two (or three, not too sure) weeks ago, but the dizziness never stopped. Now, for at least five days, if not longer (again, I’m terrible at taking note of the onset of things), I’ve had stabbing chest pain in the center of my chest shifted to the left a little bit. Sometimes it spreads to the right side too. I’ve also had this tightness in the same area. Today I felt upper back pain too. I’m not struggling to breathe or anything, but I’m STILL getting dizzy. Mostly in the evening. I haven’t been drinking as much water now that I’m working from home, so maybe dehydration? I dunno. I haven’t told RS because I know he will insist that I go back to the ER and I absolutely do NOT want to be anywhere near a hospital right now. Not only for my own health, but I don’t want to bring in unnecessary problems to an overtaxed system. My two ekgs from past ER visits were totally normal. If something was seriously wrong I would imagine it would have showed up.

I wish I could get into the cardiologist earlier than April 17, but I had to cancel my appointment that was on March 16 because I had to suddenly figure out how to work fro
Home, and that office has now been closed indefinitely due to covid. There’s another one I could try but I’m reticent because one of the doctors there was a confirmed case of covid two weeks ago.

So yes. I hope everyone is doing well through this quarantine!