In 2016 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 1 and OCD tendencies. Right after, I had a conversation where a friend confessed he liked me. I told him it’s not like I never thought about it. When he asked if I like him more than my husband I told him absolutely not. That I was madly in love with my husband. That he’s my best friend. I’m a little wanky about medication right now. But I never told my husband that I said “it’s not like I never thought about it.” Now it’s tearing me apart inside and I feel like confessing but I’m afraid of losing everything in my life. Mostly my husband. The love of my life. It didn’t mean anything when I said it. I just kinda... said it. I actually got the saying from a Family Guy episode where Brian confesses his love for Lois. And she says she can’t be with him but it’s not like she’s never thought about it. There was no emotional attachment or anything. Nothing. I felt nothing.