Hi Angel Girl, Wow! You seem soooo much better! YEAH!!!!! What a relief, huh? I was reading some of your other posts too and I think you're doing just Fabulous. And yes, you do seem quite different depending on the mood you're in, but THAT is precisely BP (see, I read that one too, thanks for the tip). The comment that I want to make to you though is this, regardless of what "state" you're in, certain aspects of your personality always come through. You're always completely honest with what you're thinking, feeling and doing. You always keep a sense of humor, even in the worst moments, and that means KUDOS for you! You consistantly came back and posted, which I think is very important for a couple of reasons...First and foremost, because it means your getting stuff out that's swirling around inside you and unless you purge it, it gets worse. Second, people care about you and need to know that you're okay. That included me! So, I think you should be feeling pretty darn good about yourself.

Okay, now on to your question about "mixed states". The best way I can think to explain that is...have you ever been really tired, so you drank waaaaay too much coffee, and as a result you felt jittery and buzzed but still tired at the same time? For me, mixed states is when I can't sleep and I can't sleep and I can't sleep, but I'm so freakin' tired I can't think straight...even hallucinating. I don't think I've ever experienced Euphoria and Depression at the same time, but I've cycled rapidly in and out of each. But what I have done is display opposing symptoms at the same time, like I'll be spending money with abandon (manic), but I'm hopeless and desperate at the same time (depression). I don't know if I'm explaining all this in a way you can understand, but you know how hard it is sometimes to find the right words to explain how you feel. In regards to your question about how often I cycle....VERY rapid. The second Pdoc I had was baffled by my cycles as he would witness them happening right before his very eyes in a half hour session we would be having to discuss meds (I always kept a separate t.) I'd go from laughing and being silly and playful and clever and witty....to crying in hopeless despair over who and what I'd become...and then I'd be rippin' him a new one over some perceived thoughtless remark on his part. To a fly on the wall it had to be highly amusing, but for me it was pure hell and then for him to be on receiving end of it was, well, like I said, baffling. It's exhausting. I can completely understand why this "illness" is considered most difficult for those people surrounding someone with BP. Who can take that for very long? Who would want to? How can you live NEVER knowing what to expect in the next 5 minutes. A person certainly couldn't live "happily" that way. This is truly a most treachorous disorder to have. Outsiders just DON'T get it. But how could they?

Anyway, I'm babbling now. Sorry. Hope to hear from you soon. TgrsPurr.