In reading the history you shared mark27 I don't see any mentor figure in your life that you could observe and get an idea of what a functional relationship is all about. Also, you did not really experience a presence that provided an actual healthy lifestyle and sense of direction either. I don't see you expressing that either parents talked to you and helped you understand the changes taking place that constantly affected your life.

Also, while you managed to have relationships, I don't see them as "healthy" ones. The girlfriend you had was every bit as lost as you were, so no true stability there. That relationship was also with a dysfunctional individual.

It's not surprising you are at a point right now that you feel so lost. It doesn't mean you are a lost cause though because you are still young enough where you can still find some direction. That being said, the place to start is to end your dependence on alcohol. You may need help with that depending on how badly you are physically addicted to it. Right now all you can do is what everyone else is doing, be patient with how everyone is ordered to isolate in hopes to stop this virus from speading. Quite honestly, a lot of people feel lost with all they are facing with the restrictions due to this virus.

Once that eases up, you need to focus on no longer being alcohol dependent and thinking about learning a trade or something you may enjoy doing for a living so you have a way of supporting yourself. If you liked delivering then you may benefit from getting a license to drive trucks that involve delivering. Lots of people do that an make decent money.

You can learn to be productive despite your history.