So I think it is great you are aware of how unlikely it all is. I know you experienced it in truth previously, but it seems like your mind is playing it out over and over. Either that, or you are the world's most interesting man and various groups are willing to throw millions of dollars at watching you for no good reason.

I asked about symbolism because, at least for me, when I was psychotic it appeared my subconscious mind was creating my experience even though I was awake. My biggest fears were magnified and translated into personifications of themselves or archetypes. I was awake and in extreme fear and it felt 100% real, but it was highly symbolic of some trauma I had experienced. I only realized that pattern after analyzing what occured through a symbolism based dream analysis perspective.

Now, when I have a delusion I look for meaning in it and try to determine the root cause of it. I welcome it and look for what I'm meant to see the way people do in dream analysis. That has been helping me to process some of the heavier fears that weigh me down. So far, I have been able to stop the process when it begins before it spirals out of control. I don't know that will always be the case, but if I can head a subset of this off at the pass it is completely worth the effort. Conscious awareness that my subconscious is placing dream like thoughts into my waking reality has helped a lot.

You were traumatized to the extreme. There's no denying that, but I am eternally hopeful the state you have been in does not have to be the norm forever. Different systems work for different people and I hope you find a way to greater peace in the future.