When it comes to alcohol I put it wrong way. At the beginning I would drink a lot just to get dizzy and feel numb but then it stopped working for me. In a sense that I would drink, feel so bad and didnt get any numbness. And again when I was depressed I would drink a beer or something but my body let me know that it doesnt work anymore. I stopped drinking. Even if i wanted I wouldnt be able to get addicted to alcohol.


When it comes to this relationship, what many wont understand is how amazing this person was. She really loved me and I was the one that screwed it up on many levels. Memories how great she was to me squeeze tears to this day. I get depressed thinking that she used to be next to me, i used to wake up next to her. She always knew how to make my day. She was so mature, strong and funny. I never rejected her because of her bipolar. She even told me I should find someone else but it was never a case for me. This thoughts dont leave me, they hunt me, pictures of us, old texts messages just put me so down. Last 2 years were the best years of my life and it just ended..

In the bigger picture i dont know what to do with myself because i feel like i need to be diagnosed by someone, psychiatrist?
I feel like if i was on some kind of medications I would be able to be more myself. You know while being drunk there is this feeling that you can do or say anything. You dont worry to much about whats and who is around you. At least thats how i felt that if i could have this feeling last from being drunk, my life would be easier. And I dont feel weird then. If I could get some medications perhaps, would it help to be more open and not to stress about anything? Please share any thoughts what do you think I may have and what can possibly help me.