Hello mark: Thank you for bringing your concerns here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central.

We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't suggest what may be going on with you. For that what you will need to do is to seek the services of a mental health professional, perhaps a psychologist or a mental health therapist with whom you can explore all of the experiences you've written about here, what they mean to you & how to move on from here.

One thing you might do, here on PC, is to take some of the quizzes & tests that are on offer. There's a link to them in the banner at the top of the page. However here's another link as well:

Psychological Quizzes and Tests

And then here are links to a selection of 11 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be helpful in gaining some perspective with regard to your situation:

Depression: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

Anxiety Disorders: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Social Anxiety Overview | Psych Central

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...elf-regularly/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/breaki...ds-of-badness/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-and-helpless/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2...hing-yourself/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...hing-yourself/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...tional-wounds/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-step...yourself-more/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.