Dear rdgrad15,

The situation you describe so well is something I am familiar with and is so frustrating and aggravating. I think your feelings are completely understandable and I can relate from my own personal experience. I wish people were not like that.

To keep my sanity I have had to lower my expectations regarding my fellow human beings. That is the only thing that seems to help me keep some peace of mind and joy of living.

There was a famous Greek philosopher [whose name I forget]. He said that there are only two ways to maintain one's peace of mind in a crazy world.

One way is to control all those people one comes in contact with. This way, he said, was impossible since we are not gods who can control everything.

The other way is to lower our expectations for others which might be something we could control although it would involve effort to make it habitual and second nature.

I think he underestimated how much effort would be involved.

I was raised to be a perfectionist so lowering my expectations about others was not easy and I would never claim to have mastered that art. For a long time I preferred hanging on to my expectations rather than lower them, but this took such a toll on my life and robbed me of all peace and joy of living.

I am happier now that I have more realistic expectations.

Whether from malice or simply upbringing or both, whether from inner mental struggles and turmoils or just fatigue, people are going to do undesirable things. I expect it.

I expect people to speed on the roadways, try to cut in, say hurtful things, be unpredictable and insensitive. I wish they would be better. But wishes don't cause me stress. It is only expectations that cause me stress so I have lowered mine. I don't know any other way to keep my sanity when so many things are, how do say in English . . . "going south."

I know that what helps me might not help you or others. I do hope you find something that allows you to proceed through life with peace of mind and joy of living. You deserve those things!

So sorry I could not be helpful to you today. I hope other members will provide words that are helpful to you!

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen.