Re: countertransference, it's possible. He did say that he has been worried about me. And I started coughing at one point and he said, "I wonder if you have it" and then completely lost his train of thought.

Still, he is the professional here. He needs to be able to manage his own worries and fears without warping them into blaming me for being controlling. I feel very clear about this.

He also kept saying that he couldn't give me what I need if I am not sure what that is. I keep saying "I need reassurance and comfort." I don't want to have to spell it out for him what exactly that looks like b/c then it doesn't really mean as much. Also I'm not totally sure. Also I want it to be authentic.

But apparently that's just too damn bad.