I've been having a lot doubts about posting this. I tried shopping around for other sites, but when it comes to topics like this, this seems like the best place for being heard and maybe getting some feedback. It's ugly, but that's what the trigger warning thing is for. I want to talk about my "sexual/relationships" issues.

Physically, I guess you could call me petite. Not very tall(in height) and slender. I've been called pretty before. Being around me wouldn't give someone a feeling of warmth or security. I'm not funny or "nice" either. These things don't make me feel inadequate. If given the option to transform into what's usually thought of as an ideal man, I would refuse. I like how I am. I'm pretty sure that i'm not a desirable person though. Not desirable in a "romantic" way. I don't think I feel insecure, I just feel "starved".

I'm not blaming woman. I think they're just not built to like my features in that way. They can't help how they're built just like I can't help I can't help how I'm built. I like to fantasize about lecherous woman who are attracted to my "youthful" features. I just do, and i'm letting that out there since I want to tell somebody and there's not much potential consequence in it compared to in real life.

I think humans are dysfunctional in our current enviroment. I've been getting the sense that our flaws are going to eventually catch up to us. I think people would be better if they were more like bees or ants. Even though I am the way I am, I think i'm a better citizen than a lot of people. I'm clean, quiet, polite, I don't cause anybody any trouble. The average person has probably done more to hurt others than I have. Technology is the only thing that gives me a modicum of hope. Most people like the idea of human exceptionalism, but people are just biological machines running on a program too.

I desperately want to feel some kind of acknowledgement. Even if they're "creepy", these are my feelings. I'm sick of pretending they're not. I'd love to hear some kind of new insight about myself from somebody, something I haven't heard before. I especially want to hear what woman have to say about all this, even if it's just contempt.