I don't want to die alone in the ICU of the hospital with a tube stuck down my throat. Or alone in my apartment. (I read about a woman who got Covid 19 and died alone on her kitchen floor.)

The beginning of 2020 I had a disturbing xray followed by a disturbing scan. I have to have another scan in six months. I decided for six months I was going to do everything I had put off. Do more of what I like. I especially wanted to swim a couple times a week. I wanted to find a great little job and started searching.

Then Covid 19 happened.

I feel very strongly that I don't want to die from Covid 19. However, my lungs are in very bad shape after seven months of chronic bronchitis. I was diagnosed with asthma and put on steroids. I am paranoid and can't leave my apartment. If I got Covid 19 I wouldn't fare well.


My doctor said I was okay to exercise and tomorrow I will go out and start. She said I didn't have to wear a mask...but I think I will because I am paranoid.

I have also been having suicidal ideation. I called my local crisis hotline several times this week to help me cope. This is one of the greatest things about my state...amazing mental health crisis services.


I miss my son and it would be terrible to be so far away from him and die alone.

I was a hospital chaplain and sat with many dying people. This Covid 19 is particularly brutal because of how people are dying alone without family. I have attended to people dying alone and it is sad beyond comprehension. Even if a patient is in a coma I believe they sense when family is near. So the opposite would also be true.


I have a particular hatred of Covid 19. Please everyone, shelter in place.