hello. a new issue has come up in therapy recently. she told me she thinks i have a disorder "similar" to DID but not quite. she couldn't recall the name and i'm lost as well. she recommends that i see a psychiatrist, but i obviously can't right now due to the pandemic. quarantine will last quite a while so i wanted to post somewhere to ease my mind since i can't stop thinking about it.

i've dissociated since i was as young as 8 years old, but i don't recall experiencing anything beyond dpdr. however it seems to have worsened as of late (i am now 18 and i started noticing this when i was 16.) when my therapist asks me some questions, especially about my childhood, i am unable to answer. i freeze up and have a panic attack, then i revert to a childlike state. i go back to anywhere from age 9 to age 13. i am aware of what happens and don't experience any amnesia, but it's like the current me is watching younger me from the sidelines.

i didn't think this experience could be recreated outside of therapy...but then i had sex for the first time. i regressed when my boyfriend touched me. i just stared at the ceiling and cried, refusing to speak or look at him.

i know i can't be diagnosed over the internet, but it would be nice to know if, at least, anybody relates to what i am experiencing or can offer any advice.