
Apr 01, 2020, 06:33 AM
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Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,738
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
Funny, I've been feeling this way a lot lately. More subtlety but I truly feel that my partner is trying to paint a picture that I'm unstable and problematic and he's the victim.
It's like, he lies or withholds information but then accuses me of being suspicious and paranoid If I try and discuss a concern, either he drowns me out, puts up barriers, or accuses me of "attacking" him. He says "he's" walking on eggshells yet there's so much uncertainty with our relationship, I'm forever guarded. He blames me for his 'lying and withholding information' because had I not judged him or stare him down, then he wouldn't be scared in telling me things. When I make valid points against his claims, either he changes the subject (without denying it), walks away, or blames me. If I address a behaviour, suddenly it's the same behaviour he has against me. If I'm cornered, he's empowered and doesn't stop.. but uses labels against me in earshot of our daughters and neighbours (his sister). When I addressed this as well, again, he did not deny it. It just goes on and on.. it's a mind game. Then he tells me he loves me in front of our daughters and he knows I struggle with saying it in return because of all this.. plus some.. and I can only imagine what our daughters think (3 and 1). He has me in the palm of his hands.
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Yes, don't let him paint that picture. Push back. Stand your ground. Don't let him push you around. When he starts turning things on you, call him out on it. Call him out on his behavior every single time. Then tell him you're not going to listen to his GARBAGE. And that is IS garbage. You can take control of this situation and not allow him to bully you.
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"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination"
~4 Non Blondes
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