Well that's what I've doing for the past 2 years.. is calling on all his behaviours. He doesn't hear me though. He focuses all on his feelings and my behaviours and never the other way around. I was just reading about Reactive Abuse and that's it to a T. He's always a victim, even when he's caught lying.. and I'm controlling, bossy, hypocritical, hormonal.. and all he wants is to make me "happy". He uses these labels in front of the children and to people, behind my back. He's admitted to gaslighting, venting about me, attention seeking, being insecure, .. it goes on.. and then tells me not to worry. He's not going anywhere. He'll "take care of me" like I'm a mental case.

So last night's article on Reactive Abuse was an eye opener. It's what I've been feeling is happening but didn't know there was a label for it. I have 2 young child, still on mat leave, and in no position to leave yet. But I need strength to realize when he's in a game so I'm not reacting and taking things personal. He is unable to love anyone, including himself, and I have to lower my expectations of him and focus on my girls happiness. I need to keep myself in check so I don't get su ked into his tactics.. that's the hard part. I might as well live like a single mom and appreciate the things he can do and ignore the things he can't or won't. I know who I am. I'm not the bully.