Thanks for the input. I needed some objective eyes because it's the kids' dad.

First he decided that he wasn't comfortable with the isolated no-contact-with-outside-world boys coming to his house because of potential exposure for his elderly mother. But he kept making karate videos with his instructor and her son.

Then he told me that he needed to "choose his circles" (his words) and that the kids were his circle, and he was going to tell his instructor to ask others to help. He still wasn't comfortable with the boys going to his house, so I said he could spend time with them here. I even told him I was impressed by how careful he was being for his mom's sake, and confirmed that he wasn't spending time elsewhere.

It wasn't true. Now the instructor is ill. He's got all kinds of reasons why it was okay that he went anyway and didn't let me know so I could choose whether it was safe for him to be in my house. I am trying to decide whether I am being reasonable in asking him to wait until we know he's in the clear before spending in-person time with the boys. I don't even know what to say about his poor mom. Just pray he doesn't get it, I guess.

I am alternately furious with myself and feeling like a f***ing idiot for believing him. It's like expecting the wind to not blow, you know. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me a thousand times and when am I going to flipping learn? I just thought that THIS was important enough that he'd be responsible. And I am worried about him because his irrational contradictory logic was just rearing its head all over the place, which is not a good sign. I was trying to walk the tightrope of setting good boundaries and being respectful and navigating the odd thinking.

There. Sorry that got long. Whew.