Thanks for sharing your concern here on PC, Rory.
I have to admit I don't know a lot about eating disorders. But I noticed you had yet to receive a reply to your post. So I thought I would at least offer what I can.
At the end of your post you wrote: "Do you think I should always take the best care of myself that I can?" Of course I think one should try to take reasonably good care of oneself. But I don't necessarily think one should always try to take the
best care one can. Sometimes I think we set ourselves up for failure when we expect perfection from ourselves. No one can ever be perfect all the time. So my personal opinion is that sometimes just doing what you can to get by is sufficient, if that makes any sense. Do the best you can, when you can. But avoid becoming obsessed with always being perfect. And don't beat yourself up when you're not.
You asked what you can do to get past all of this and achieve the better self-care you desire. You didn't mention, I don't believe, if you've ever been involved with, or are in, an eating disorders program. If not, I would think that would be an important thing to do. One impression I have is that it's extremely difficult to get an eating disorder under control by yourself. It's like any other addiction. The support of professionals, as well as that of others who have faced similar challenges, is critical. I know you mentioned seeing a doctor. But personally I would question if simply seeing a doctor periodically is likely to be a successful strategy. I'm not an mental health professional though. So that's just my personal opinion.
Here's a link to DocJohn's article, from PC's archives, on the subject of eating disorders:
Eating Disorders: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central
You mentioned struggling with negative thoughts about yourself as well as self-sabotaging. So here are links to 7 articles, also from PC's archives, on how to deal with those sorts of concerns:
When You Feel Absolutely Awful About Yourself—Regularly
How to Empower Yourself When You Feel Powerless and Helpless
Breaking Free from the Bonds of Badness
How to Stop Punishing Yourself
https://psychcentral.com/blog/self-s...o-destruction/
https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-we...dium=popular17
https://psychcentral.com/blog/breaki...self-sabotage/
My best wishes to you...
