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Originally Posted by giddykitty
in case you don't follow my journal updates...sending well wishes to everyone! *hugs
I've been on a break from the forums for awhile and might not stay long now either because of x, y, and z, but I have finally had that appointment with my GP and things are finally starting to progress in the sense that he's really getting a better idea of me and with what's going on. He was concerned about my moods specifically, so we spent a good amount of time discussing this and I recounted my latest elevated mood episode which I was finishing up as I spoke with him. He asked me "do you ever do anything reckless like driving at high speeds or spending a lot of money that you don't have?" I said, well, no. I don't do anything really reckless like that. "what about (and now I can't remember the exact wording but like) writing excessive or lengthy emails or messages?" and I said, "well, perhaps I did in the past, but now I seem to have that in control. If someone lets me and is receptive of longer messages, I do that, but if I get the sense that they don't want to talk or if I'm just getting to know someone, I try to keep it short. He said, "well then you don't have hypomania". I am relieved in the sense that I don't have to take more medications and that I can enjoy the highs that I do get, but I'm also just still stumped by what this is that I DO have. I mean, these are abnormal highs for me...or these are not my typical moods and more elevated than just having a good day. It's odd.
Oh and then now we are into the topic of marital help. I'd mentioned that I was having some issues and kinda wanted him to advise couple's counseling. This was after the appointment though, so he couldn't speak with my husband for his side of the story. He messaged me back asking if we could do another session. Well, turns out, hubby is refusing to talk to him about this. I told this to doctor tonight. Will hopefully see what he says tomorrow.
Meanwhile, it's strange, but hubby was very affectionate and comforting-like tonight and we actually cuddled. (my anger from the past few days finally subsiding some but we still have issues). It was really nice and comfortable, though it makes me kinda wonder if it's just his way of keeping me from pursuing outside help for us. I really think it's needed though.
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Hi giddykitty. Obviously no one here is qualified to diagnose, but I do want you to consider the possibility that the "highs" you mention, could just be periods of heightened energy. When I say "heightened energy" they could be within the normal range for a person. There are just plain high energy people in this world that don't qualify for a mental illness diagnosis. The world has plenty of "Chatty Cathys", "super driven types", "enthusiastic people", "adventurous types", or "desperate types", and the like. Folks without mental illness have their ups and downs and mental struggles/strife. I think it is rare to find any human being on this earth that is constantly euthymic. Most people on the earth can work themselves up and drag themselves down, to varying degrees, because of various situations. Excitement itself can snowball for most any person. Excitement and enthusiasm comes in many forms.
Whether or not people like the DSM or ICD, they do serve as some guide for doctors in determining what is in a "normal range of emotional or mood volatility" and what is not. The fact is, bipolar disorder (in all its forms) causes highly dysfunctional behavior. For many, it is significantly damaging to the afflicted's life in some way or another. Sometimes traumatically so.
If you feel determined that your life is significantly damaged by mood issues, I urge you to consult with a psychiatrist or equivalent mental health professional. Or perhaps even a therapist. Based on what you wrote (and have written), your GP doesn't sound convinced that bipolar disorder is a diagnosis you have. By refusing additional opinions from professionals, it almost seems that you fear that they, too, will "horribly" tell you that you are "normal". Oh my! How horrible would that be! [Sarcasm]
I know many here have written again and again that you seem to be looking for some confirmation from
us on PC for a bipolar diagnosis. The fact is, you keep presenting as doing so. Again and again and again. We're not so easily influenced to say "Oh, you sound REALLY bad!" Perhaps some (or at least I) can say you sound more desperate than bipolar.
I'll be flat with you. Bipolar disorder is REALLY bad. I mean REALLY bad! Most or all of us can say that they've experienced every single symptom listed in the DSM and ICD. Many of us have lost relationships, lost jobs, failed classes, been hospitalized (some numerous times), been impoverished, embarrassed beyond belief, perhaps injured, maybe been arrested, may have slept with multiple people when they normally wouldn't have, spent days and days lying in bed barely able to get up and relieve themselves or definitely barely able to do some basic Activities of Daily Living (ADLs) for days. Many people here have had suicidal thoughts that pained them severely. Many here have attempted suicide. Many here have experienced psychosis, which is often NOT pleasant at all. And more.
While not everyone here has experienced all of the above-mentioned, we have mostly all experienced many. And of us that have received a formal bipolar diagnosis, sometimes many times over, we have struggled greatly with accepting the diagnosis, accepting the medications that can be horrible. Very horrible! Many of us have to live with a stinging stigma and other deep feelings/struggles that take months or years (or a lifetime) to cope with. Bipolar disorder is no badge of honor. It sucks! It sucks like many other major illness.
If you feel your life is deeply affected, I urge you to seek out more help. Or, if you have your doubts, I urge you to release yourself from feeling you have a serious illness and try to live and enjoy it the best that you can.
I care about you and want you to move forward in some way. Sitting in the same spot wanting something big to happen is not good.
