Welcome, dytikos! Hopefully, you'll be able to find some help here. Sometimes something as simple as being able to talk about an issue freely will provide some solutions. So, got some questions for you: roughly when did you first start noticing you had this fetish? Was it something always there, nibbling at the edges of your mind when you saw it until it actually bloomed? Do/did you watch porn and develop it after you started consuming porn?

Also, why do you feel shame when you partake in your fetish? Do you feel shame FOR your fetish, or is it shame over the lengths you'll go to in order to satisfy it?

Finally, to me it sound like a lot of this is wrapped up in your relationship. Is this your first serious relationship? Why do you suppose this upsets her? To you it might seem obvious, but sometimes just trying to puzzle it through aloud helps move the puzzle pieces into place and make the picture a bit more clear.

I'm going to be quite frank with you. If this truly is a fetish, you'll almost certainly do yourself (and in turn your love) more harm than good by trying to suppress or eradicate it. However, you can certainly manage fetishes. Also, if your fetish does no actual harm to anyone, and everyone involved consents, then there is nothing to be ashamed of. To share a little, I've a fetish for bondage. I first noticed it when I was a kid without recognizing it for what it was, but I came to understand what it was when I got older and was exposed to examples of it. At first, I was confused and even ashamed of it at first, but as I explored it further and tried to understand it better, I came to accept it and found ways to manage it. Nowadays, I rarely engage with it anymore (which is a pity) due to time and circumstantial constraints. But it is still very much a part of me and my sexual side, and does me absolutely no harm. However, if I were to let my desire for it control me, that could very easily lead to actions I SHOULD be ashamed of (for example, forcing my fetish on an unwilling subject). I hope that makes sense. And granted, my fetish doesn't have the same stigma yours does around it, and yours carries different risks, but they are similar in principle.