I guess he has made his decision about the marriage then.

I agree with your T that your T is there for you, and not for your spouse. You need to have T as an advocate for you, plus your spouse would never trust your T for himself, and the T would not be able to make any progress with the two of you. That's a wise decision on your T's part.

Have a good discussion (as best as you can) with your spouse. Marriage requires that you grow together. You are obviously beginning to grow and heal without him. You are realizing that you do have some power and self respect and need the marriage to follow suit. If your spouse refuses to grow, there isn't much you can do but continue to be the best person you can be. If the marriage isn't abusive, then you might through growth and love, manage to move the marriage along in the positive manner, and path. If it's abusive, and he won't change, then your own T will help you to find the strength to find a good environment for your own healing.