The most unhelpful thing someone said to me was that 'you have bipolar disorder. It is a disease you will have for life. It isn't your fault, and you will relapse. You'll be fine if you accept this and take meds and learn coping skills'

All of that was true to an extent, but it was very limiting advice. It limited my hope. It limited my vision for my future. It limited my understanding of what happened to me. It placed me within a system that over time exposed itself to me as one of the most broken systems I've ever encountered. That's saying a lot since my expertise lies in my ability to assess and design systems. I've seen dysfunction on all levels, but psychiatry and therapy have really proven to be a challenge beyond what I could have anticipated. Luckily, I love a good challenge and almost all broken systems carry elements of excellence within them. It took a while to separate the trash from the treasures and it is an ongoing process.

When I offer someone my thoughts on a problem, I like to follow with suggesstions for improvement. I don't like to leave things by simply offering a negative review. I am a part of this system now. I hold hope it can one day be restructured to work better for all of us. Patients and providers.

It would have been infinitely more helpful to hear from a pdoc 'Your brain and your body are perhaps predisposed to react to certain stimulus more strongly than other people. It is possible that aspect is genetic. The truth is that is just a theory, we don't really know. Your symptoms are similar to bipolar disorder, but that diagnosis is also a guess and the symptoms occur along a spectrum and can shift over time. Do not become too tied to the label, but I encourage you to understand why we placed you in this category at this time. You may cycle through again. Most patients with this condition do, but we cannot be sure because everyone is unique. You're in a position where meds might be helpful and they are recommended. They do not always work and we are guessing based on experience with others at what will work best. The meds have truly awful side effects, but in your case they are necessary to level you out and the good outweighs the bad. We will use the lightest amount possible to treat you and encourage you to address the other factors that contribute to mental illness so that maybe one day we can revisit the need for meds. You may continue to need them, but the goal should be to lean on them to control as little as possible as we know they cause other health conditions that affect your quality of life. Please let that knowledge serve as motivation to address the other areas of your health in therapy or other complimentary practices.'

I wish someone on the therapy side of things had said 'You have suffered a traumatic event during your episode. Our first strategy is to help you cope with that and reintegrate you into your life. I need to teach you how these types of conditions work and how they manifest. This can be a long process. We also need to help you adjust to life on meds. That can be difficult as well. Coping skills are helpful tools that you can use to help throttle the pain of your experience at any time if the pain becomes too much. However, it is important that you face what happened and process it or it will continue to come up over and over for you. This can lead to trigger future episodes. Also, your episode occured in part because you are perhaps spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically imbalanced. Typically, traumatic events contribute to these imbalances. We need to assess your history, your behaviors, your triggers and patterns in all aspects to find the various contributing factors. Once we know your history, we can write a new story together and develop strategies to create it. This can be a long process because we need to educate each other. I need to learn about you and I need to teach you how your brain and heart process experience so you can understand why and how things went so sideways. We will go at a pace you are comfortable with. It can bring up a lot of repressed fear, anger, and other emotions you might not want to experience. Coping skills are there for you when you need them, but eventually I need you to accept that the way out is through. There are lots of therapy options and I may not always be the best fit for you. I will suggest other types of therapy if your requirements lie outside my expertise. I cannot promise any of this work will be curative. You may need meds forever. You may cycle through other episodes. However, the more work you do to process and balance, the better equipped you will be to see future episodes coming and deal with them more easily than last time. I'm here to supoort you through that journey. Let's begin.'

This is what I wish someone had said to me. This is only the truth of my story. It is the experience I have been able to create in partnership with my providers after researching and discussing with them what I perceive to be fallacies in the system. It took me a while to move past that first round of unhelpful advice, but it feels good on the other side of it. I would encourage any newly diagnosed friend to find their own truth and blaze their own path.