Hi everyone! This post might be a little tmi but please bear with me, I’m incredibly stressed. I’m 21, female, and have dealt with OCD since I was around 9 or 10 years old. Over the last 4 years, I’ve mostly only dealt with compulsions and no new intrusive thought but now I have what I’m really hoping is HOCD intrusive thoughts but I’m not sure.

I was going through Snapchat yesterday when I came across these pictures of these Instagram models and thought they were attractive and then I guess in a way, ended up looking at them through a guy’s eyes?

Like, I ended up thinking about the stuff my boyfriend says to me about my body and thinking about that in relation to them and it aroused me and then I started freaking out over the possibility of being bi. I keep checking to see if I have any attraction to attractive females now, and if I do I feel really bad, I don’t want to be attracted. I’ve been 220% straight my entire life.

Yes, I have found girls attractive but I’ve never been attracted to them. I’ve never had any crushes on a girl , ever. But ever since this has happened I’ve been freaking out. I don’t have anything against the lgbtq community but not me. That’s not me. Since then I’ve also started googling if people have been through something similar or how you know you’re bi or not and one of the things pointed out was that you don’t want a romantic relationship.

At first, I was straight up like “yeah Ik I don’t” but then I started doubting that, and the more I picture it or think about it, the more I think I want it or like it while at the same time there’s a sinking feeling in stomach. But then when I step back, I don’t want it. And I hate this so much. I can’t tell if I’m in denial or something or if this is hocd?

Being bi isn’t appealing to me. I don’t know what’s right anymore or if I even do actually like what I’m thinking about or if me dwelling on it is what’s making me think that. Like I dwell on it and start thinking I’d like it but then it wavers.

I don’t want this to ruin my relationship either, I love my boyfriend very much. Please help.