My therapist owns the practice so I don’t think she would transfer me to someone else. She did give me two referrals though. She also said she couldn’t work with me anymore if the suicidal thoughts got pervasive again. So I am not sure how honest I can be with her anymore.

I kind of journal when I email my T. I have written on my phone before. I guess if I write in a physical book I am afraid someone will read it. I do listen to music sometimes positive songs sometimes not so much. I know I am my own worst enemy. I am interviewing two Ts this week and hen seeing my current T again. She did say she wanted me to see someone a few times before I decided and before she cancels my appointment. So I know she cares but it is just hard to believe it sometimes. She thinks finding a trauma T is a step in the right direction for me. We have been together almost 6 years I think she is just running out of ideas and doesn’t want to just do supportive therapy. I think it bores her.