Rough day yesterday. Really rough. Just sort of realized out of nowhere that my father, whom I certainly do love, really, really screwed me over a few years ago when I needed him most. Not sure why I have given him such a pass on all that... Details don' t really matter, but he had a chance to help me in a way that would have no impact whatever on him, personally--and he elected not to do so. Had I not pulled off a complete miracle, which I did, that decision on his part would have sent me back to the hospital for another 18 flipping months. Thanks, dad!!!

You know, he did not visit me once in the 5 years I was there. I think my lifelong worship of him has occasionally clouded the accuracy of my perceptions of how he has actually, at times, treated me. This realization made me quite sad, on a day on which I was already fairly hopeless. Oh well...

Anyway, finally just gave up and made myself get out on the bike. Freezing outside and pouring. 3 1/2 hours, nobody out at all. Some cute bunnies, though--that made me happy, briefly. Hands were so numb when I finished that I could not get my keys out. Took me a couple of hours to stop shivering and warm up finally.

But at least I did something. Besides sitting around, feeling awful. Progress, not perfection, I spose.

Hugs and love to all!!!!!!