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Originally Posted by BirdDancer
Hi bpcyclist. I haven't felt that articulate lately, but do feel compelled to tell you that I understand a little bit how you feel about your dad not visiting you. Though I wasn't in the psych hospital for five years straight, I guess I clocked a total of about a full year's worth of days in, with 2 to 6 week hospitalizations separated by days, weeks or months. Plus PHPs/IOPs. I mentioned recently that my husband was the only person that ever visited me there. My dad never once did, nor did he call me. No one else did.
I don't know the reason(s) why your dad stayed away from you. I kind of know why my father did. In my case, I don't like the reasons, but they are what they are.
Has your father been different at other times of your life? My dad has always been approximately the same.
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I have followed your story about your dad, when you have shared about it. I am sorry for those struggles, truly, I am.
My dad has been mostly extremely supportive and very loving, pretty much forever, in a sort of largely nonverbal, late 1950s American Male sort of way.
That said, I do not know why he didn't come see me. He is in contact with my brother, who completely abandoned and excommunicated me long ago. He is a complete ah***. I do not hate anyone, at least I don't think I do, but without question, if anyone comes close in that category, it is my "brother." I have spent more hours in therapy talking about him than any ex or parent or anyone--ever. By far. So abusive.
So, maybe my "brother"'s venom for me has worn off on my dad, though I do doubt that. I think he probably just grew tired of the constant bad news and pain and brain illness with no end and backed off. Dunno. At the end of the day, the truth is, the facts are, that he was more than happy to let me go back to that hellhole for another year and a-half because he couldn't be bothered with spending what would have amounted to a latte a day for him. That is reality. And I have to manage that somehow.
Anyway, glad I am working on this. No idea where it is gong.