We no longer have any attendant coming in to help with caring for my bf. It's getting to be tougher. My right upper arm has been sore for a few months. Yesterday it spread up around my right shoulder and even to the right end of my collar bone. So yesterday I did less, even to the point of neglecting him. I got worse depressed. If not for COVID-19, I would ask our hospice provider to provide me with a period of "respite," which would mean moving my bf to a nursing home for 5 days. Now I feel I've lost that option, and I feel trapped. I could still do it, but it would be risky. One nursing home near us already had a breakout of COVID illness among staff and patients.

I took pain pills (hydrocodone) and I will go do his morning care now. Then I have to catch up on housework, like a kitchen strewn with dirty dishes. We've been snapping at each other. Mainly it's me getting very irritable with him. I have to calm down.

I know lots of people are under way worse stress than I'm under. I tell myself to keep that in mind and act responsibly. Yesterday and last night, I got to where I was acting and talking just awful. I better go start.