I try not to look back on things. I guess I just feel awful about myself whenever I do that because I get upset with how "good" things were in my childhood, and how everything started going downhill around 14 y.o. and life was never the same after that, but that's just me personally.

I partially addressed this in therapy by writing a note to my therapist and handing it to her. She kinda gets where I'm coming from, but she and another psychologist think I had the beginnings of BP around 14 y.o., possibly even 12 y.o..